Since Papa was placed into the Hospice, I have begun to unwind. I'm exhausted and actually sleeping better than I have in a long long while. My ears are no longer on guard for sounds of movement. Apparently I'm beginning to relax enough to actually sleep.
It seems that perhaps I've been running on adrenaline for the past 2 or so years. Papa's doctor was in to see him last night and I casually made comment that I thought perhaps I'd been functioning on an adrenaline high for a while. He wisely cautioned it could easily take me 6 - 8 weeks to come down to 'normal' again.
However, it's not over yet. We continue to await Papa's final departure. He has settled now, is on some pain medication and some sedation, drifts in and out of semi coma state, and occasionally seems to recognize what is being said.
Today he told me rather sharply, "Go!" when I was apparently irritating him with my attempts to give comfort during a spell of pain and discomfort. His granddaughter, Karyn, was in the room so I came home.
I'm finding it difficult to focus on any 'work' that needs doing around the house, and there is lots of it. It's too early to go to bed. Perhaps I'll try a few rounds of computer golf.